The certainty of 'uncertainty'

Krishna's Butterball, Mahabalipuram (Southeast coast of India)

'Krishna's Butterball' -- it's no big deal, except that the five meter wide, six meters high gigantic rock sits pretty neat at a short incline on its 1.2 meter base. Talk of balancing weight!

What I like best about this spectacle is the defiance it presents by refusing to give in to gravity. Well, the apple did fall to the ground, and here we have 250 tonnes of ancient rock standing still on a 45 degree hilly slope for over 1200 years. It hasn't rolled off -- 'Stone of Sky God' indeed. Shouldn't it though? It could; it might... perhaps some day. Again maybe not for another 1200 years -- who knows?!

So much for historical musings. We have a disease to deal with now, and it has taken the world by shock. Holding us quarantined, and at ransom; from toilet paper to James Bond -- all cow down without exception to #COVID19. We had our days (if not our lives) chalked out, and went about breathing life into our hopes and dreams. And then, this #LOCKDOWN. 14 days, 21 days, 49 days... six months... we know deep down life as we know it has changed.

Almost every electronic communication I received over the last two months has begun with: In these uncertain times, or surreal times, or complicated, or wierd times... Depressing, to say the least. But perhaps some of us have already gained wisdom around the fact that there's nothing certain about life. Yet it comes so naturally that we plan for a 'better' tomorrow, a 'bright' future, a 'perfect' acquisition, a 'prominent' something. We do this for ourselves, our family, their children, maybe even for our grandchildren. Much of this reasoning is dependent on how our life exposes us, to what experiences, with whom, and when these occasions occur in the trajectory of life.

I'm reminded of a conversation I had with a friend recently on what worries most, and it turned out that much sleep is lost on understanding the certainty of things that make up life. The search for certainty we cannot honestly avoid for it is soaked in the human spirit, the core of survival, of thriving. But then, the awareness that uncertainties are a certainty is good to keep that balance between standing ground and rolling off, I guess. We will, in the end, find our way around uncertain everythings and build paths that defy or prepare us with certainty. Remember the rocky butterball.

It's always the jacket, never the weather

What a month February has been!
The significance of the extra day this year seems a good time to reflect and give thanks -- still bitter-sweet, and yet hopeful that the new birthday year will bring dreams together...

It's a cloudy day today; so it has been this entire month -- cold and wet. "You haven't really seen Winter," a friend reassures me; another one exclaims: "This is the mildest we've had!"

I'm in Europe -- my favourite continent, and as I sit at my work desk in the University facing dry, leafless branches of Maple, sudden darting movements catch my eye. At the apex of one of these trees is a nest; a red-brown squirrel lives there.

I watch him (or her) run briskly over one branch, jump on to another, shoot down the tree trunk, up again along the same path to the nest. All this hop-skip-jump takes less than two minutes. What is most intriguing about the little fella is the intent behind the morning ritual. It is almost as if there was no time to ponder over the surroundings, no luxury to discover 'what's new' -- strictly focused on achieving purpose (whatever is in that nest must need desperate attention!).

We are this little squirrel indeed. I know I am. Behind this purposeful running about to make life happen, I'm afraid I forget to live, to dream a personal dream and be able to pull it off before I am six feet under. February brings this priority to light almost always. What are birthdays for if not to relocate yourself! So, yes I do have this dream -- a very simple one: to thrive. To reach peaks I never knew existed within me.

No matter the situation that surrounds, it is absolutely essential to 'thrive'-- I believe. We have much to discover about ourselves as individuals, as persons, and each self-discovery brings you closer to being the human you are always meant to be. We rather insulate ourselves from us, and wear 'jackets' of various kinds to protect us from simply living. With our lives pre-designed, what else does one expect!

But seriously, the inward journey of discovering yourself is far more intriguing, not to mention the most challenging -- getting naked about yourself is the least prettiest thing, but still the most memorable, be assured. The courage to change is always just within us even if nothing is as it seems because the future does speak ruthlessly to us.

Discard those jackets; the weather has its seasons -- so what! 

"Life goes on; carry on with your life"

Haven't posted a blog in several months. Not that there wasn't any interest, or I wasn't being read, but only because Life has Her way of taking you on a journey you are seldom prepared for.

I didn't bother to check when I made my last entry in this space -- all I can say: I am here now and I want to share that I've begun something I resisted for a very long time. I'm using a journal :-) making little observations, jotting down thoughts and reminiscing over things that I usually keep in my mind, to myself. Should confess -- it is addictive!

This habit I didn't think much of, has somehow become a muse. A writer-friend tried convincing me over a few conversations; stubborn me wouldn't see value -- it's different now. There had to be a trigger for me to begin. I see it this way now.

My mother -- she has passed. But not without sudden turn of events. It was cancer -- the 1% in a million kind -- that took her away in exactly 30 days from diagnosis. I spent most of these difficult days being a friend, creating distraction, transferring strength...
The last thing she said to me was: Life goes on; carry on with your life.

No idea how these happenings landed me on the threshold of Epicurus! This guy lived in 341 - 270 BC and spoke the wisest, simple stuff I've heard so far...
I quote:
"There are many things outside the control of our life, therefore many things could befall us, and make our lives very difficult." Gosh. The simplicity and weightage of these words were clear to a fellow human ages ago. Somewhere else he has said: 'Man is miserable because he desires things that he need not desire'.

But the most interesting observation Epicurus makes is about God and His ability to hold our lives ransom! The riddle goes like this:

God, either wishes to take away evils and is unable to
or,
He is able, and is unwilling
or,
He is neither willing nor able
or,
He is both willing and able

To carry on with my life as my mother has wished, I'll do well to remember the Epicurean paradox!